


Desierto del Corazón

by McCoyote



Category: Red Dead Redemption
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comfort Sex, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mending a Broken Relationship, Multi, Slow To Update, Smut, Spoilers, Triggers, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-10-12 12:23:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17467478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McCoyote/pseuds/McCoyote
Summary: SEQUEL to Fire and Rain. (Can be read for a flash-forward/flashback effect since Fire and Rain is currently ongoing.)Rainey Bennett was heartbroken after Javier chose Dutch over her, just like she knew would happen, and disappeared into obscurity only to discover she was pregnant with Javier's child. Several years later, after a visit from an old friend, Rainey tracks down Javier to resolve their past for the sake of their son, Julian.





	1. Prologue I

**Author's Note:**

> I needed a tone shift from Fire and Rain, and I've had this stewing in my mind for a while. It's not necessary to read the other story, though it offers the character background/relationships for this story. I intend for this fic to have a much more dark and angsty tone than Fire and Rain, so be warned.

The wind was harsh and bitter, lashing at the cabin in aggressive bursts that rattled against the frosted window panes. Rainey added another log to the fire. Nothing could cut through the pervading chill of late autumn in west Ambarino.

“ _Tienes frío, Julian_?” Rainey asked, snatching a wool blanket from the back of chair.

Across the room a boy of eight with jet hair and hazel eyes traced new words Rainey had copied out for him on the chalkboard. He was seated at the makeshift dining table － a square of wooden planks fixed to an empty barrel － his tongue poked out of his mouth while he concentrated on the chalk. An angry red line carved into his right cheek from the apple of it straight down to the level of his mouth, still looking fresh though it had been two years since the accident.

“No mamá,” Julian replied, swinging his legs from where they dangled just above the floor. He was small for his age and lean － fine-boned like his mother. Rainey dropped the blanket around his shoulders anyway and pressed a kiss atop the scar, bending to rest her chin on his tiny shoulder to peer at his progress.

“Very good, Julian. Can you show me without copying?”

Just as Julian erased the board another angry whip of the wind came, shaking the front door loose with a bang and wrenching a frightened exclamation from both of them. Rainey rushed to catch the door before it banged itself off its hinges. Outside trees rustled viciously under the full moon and the howling wind drowned out all sound. If Rainey hadn’t been looking toward the winding path that led toward the trail she never would have noticed the dark figure riding toward the house.

“Julian!” Rainey said sharply over her shoulder. “Go to the bedroom and shut the door, _comprende_?”

“ _Entiendo_ ,” Julian replied, hopping from the barrel to obey while Rainey pulled the door closed.

Once Julian was out of sight Rainey used his vacated stool to stand on so she could retrieve a gun and its ammo from their hiding spot on top of an old hutch. Her usual rifle was out of cartridges, and she had taken to keeping the pistol hidden away because of Julian’s recent fascination pertaining to anything about his father.

The old pistol had not seen action for a while, though Rainey kept it maintained. It was sentimental as much as it was practical, but it would do the job if whoever was out there decided to cross her. She loaded the chamber and waited, her grip on the gun loose but ready.

Furious gales filled the silence in tandem with her heartbeat as it pounded in her ears.

Rainey waited for what felt like several minutes with her gaze frozen on the door. Just as she was starting to think she was imagining things a distinctive _thump thump thump_ of the side of a fist pounding at the door jolted her back to attention. Licking her chapped lips she inched to the door, nearly jumping from her skin when the knocks sounded again as she reached for the handle.

With her gun at the ready she opened the door a crack to face whoever was on the other side. Panic made her short of breath as her mind tossed around the possibilities.

Rainey did not expect to see long raven hair whipping around a bowed head and a broad set of shoulders she would recognize anywhere. A relieved whoosh of air escaped Rainey as she grabbed one of the figure’s muscular arms and pulled him inside the cabin.

“Charles? What the hell are you doin’ here?”

“Good to see you too,” he replied, striding to hover near the fire with his large hands held in front of him.  

Rainey set the gun on the dining table and joined him, clapping him on the ball of his arm. “‘Course I’m glad to see you, but it’s the middle of the night. A poor night for visit at that.”

“That it is,” Charles agreed. Now that he was warm he studied her in that ambivalent way of his, and Rainey could almost feel his brown eyes assessing the damage the years had wrought on her. For his part he look exactly the same, like even time couldn’t catch him. “You look like you’re doing okay for yourself.”

“Pfft, that’s one way to put it I guess.” Rainey crossed her arms. “How did you know I was here?”

“A trapper not far from here, actually,” Charles explained. “I was asking where he got some of his pelts and he described someone sounding like you. I told him you sounded like an old friend of mine and he directed me out this way.”

Rainey scowled and glared into the fire. “Might have to be takin’ my business elsewhere then. I can’t be havin’ just anyone who says they’re an old friend showin’ up on my doorstep ‘cause Roy can’t keep his damn mouth shut.” She looked askance at Charles and smoothed her hackles, the adrenaline from her scare waning. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be right back.”

Disappearing into the bedroom Rainey squinted in the dark to find Julian. “ _Mijo_? You can come out. We have a visitor.”

A scrambling thump from under the bed made Rainey smile and her chest ache at the same time. She knew the question he would ask before it ever passed his lips. “ _Es mi padre, mamá_?” A tousled head of hair popped up from the other side of the bed as he sprung from his hiding place covered in dust bunnies.

Hearing the words still sent an arrow of hurt piercing through Rainey, though she hid it well behind a neutral gaze that only brightened for her boy. Rainey wanted so badly for it to be Javier behind that door even though part of the reason she had chosen a frosty residence like Ambarino was to put the temptation behind an icy wall. Betrayal and longing were long since tangled in a messy knot.

Rainey knelt and intercepted him as he flew for the door with pure elation lighting his eyes. That boyish excitement put another chink in the armor around her heart, reminding her too much of the man he inherited it from. “No, _M_ _ijo_ ,” Rainey whispered, rubbing his arms and trying not to crack at the disappointment that dulled his features. “Charles is an old friend, but he knew your father. Maybe he will have some stories for you.”

“Will he ever come for me?” Julian hung his head. Rainey never felt worse than she did in that moment.

Embracing the boy Rainey planted a kiss to the top of his head. “I don’t know,” she answered, swallowing past the lump in her throat. It was the most honest answer she could give him.

If Javier ever found out about the existence of Julian － of his son － Rainey was unsure if he would come for him or not. He certainly would never come for _her_.

Clearing her throat Rainey stood and held out her hand. “Come, don’t be afraid. Charles is a good man. I think you’ll like him.”

When the two emerged from the bedroom Rainey watched the large man’s face as he took in this new revelation. Rainey was sure Charles had heard them speaking in the next room, but he appeared no less shocked by the way his mouth fell open a bit as he looked at a spitting image of Javier in miniature.

“Julian, this is Charles Smith.”

Julian was tense as he stood in front of Rainey, and she squeezed his shoulders gently and urged him forward a bit. Even though Charles had shed the weapons from his back and the dark coat he had been sporting he was still an imposing figure to a small boy. Charles crouched to look Julian in the eye in that gentle way Rainey had seen him use when approaching horses; calm, but strong and reassuring.

“Hello,” Charles greeted. Undoubtedly he noticed the healed gouge on Julian’s cheek, but he held eye contact with Julian and didn’t outright stare as many did. Not that Rainey would have expected otherwise. Charles held out a wide hand to Julian.

“ _Hola_ ,” Julian said in a small voice, his tiny hand completely engulfed when they shook. Julian stared at the dark tone of Charles’s skin against his own, as if comparing the two for a commonality that wasn’t there. As if his mother might have been mistaken. The disappointment on Julian’s face sank deeper. “You know _mi padre_ Mr. Smith?”

“I used to. I haven’t seen him in a few years.” Charles confirmed. He glanced up at Rainey, who gave the barest of nods. Shame had sank itself so deep inside Rainey that it almost felt like it was choking her. Absently she massaged her throat as she turned away to stare into the fire.

“Can you tell me about him, _por favor,_ Mr. Smith?”

Charles looked off thoughtfully for a moment. Rainey assumed he was searching his memory for an appropriate tidbit of information. “Javier is a talented guitar player. He used to sing songs to a bunch of us around the campfire.”

_From across the crackling fire Javier was smiling faintly, and Rainey couldn’t tear her eyes away from the movements of his fingers on the strings._

The image came unbidden to Rainey’s mind, and there was no stopping as her eyes glazed over and the dancing flames became a blurry smudge of oranges, reds and yellows. Charles and Julian continued to talk, but Rainey was unable to focus on their conversation.

_“You promised me liquor and disappeared. I was ready to serenade you, mi reina.”_

_“You could always serenade me right now…”_

She never did get that song because she had passed out before Javier ever had the chance. Not that night at least. Rainey crossed her arms and clutched her fingers into them so hard she would have bruises. Trying to contain her unresolved feelings for Javier almost felt like a physical effort, and her body trembled under the strain of holding back a sob.

Rainey was stingy with talking to Julian about his father. It was a selfish choice; reminiscing about Javier was simply too painful. Hearing about Javier now from Charles, a man directly related to that past, triggered all those memories at once and unearthed the emptiness Rainey still felt with Javier’s absence. There was a hollowed out space inside her chest where her heart had resided until Javier had scooped it out and took it with him when he had chosen his side.

The opposing side.

 _Dutch’s_ side.

Without a word Rainey mumbled a quick excuse and strode to the sanctuary of the bedroom, the tears cascading down her face of their own volition. Rainey gulped a broken hiccup of air and pressed her back against the wall of the threshold, not even bothering to shut the door. Shivers wracked her body as if every nerve was firing off at once with a different sensation, and Rainey was unsure how much longer she could bear the sorrow.

Charles chose that moment to knock on the open door before poking his head inside. After taking one look at her Charles wordlessly wrapped her up in his protective embrace and offered Rainey the refuge shatter. Muffled sobs escaped against his chest as Rainey let herself break down, clinging to him as if he were the only thing tethering her to the earth. Charles didn’t bother with uplifting chatter, but he rubbed her back and held her tight with a silent solace.

When she had wrung herself dry she couldn’t even muster the energy to feel embarrassed by her outburst. Numbness had crept in over the raw territory of her frayed nerves, and the clarity had her brows drawing together when she finally pulled away and haphazardly wiped at her damp face.

“Where’s Julian?”

“He’s fine,” Charles assured her. “I left him with my harmonica. He’s a smart boy.” Charles squeezed her elbow and looked deep into her eyes, as if sifting through her inner thoughts. “Are you alright, Rainey? I didn’t come here to upset you.”

“‘Course not, Charles, I know that.” Rainey took a deep breath and shoved her hands into her pockets. “I’m the one who should be sorry, cryin’ all over you like that. It’s just… it’s been nonstop with Julian and I never really let myself dwell on what was already done. I couldn’t afford to.”

“Does… does Javier know?”

“No,” Rainey sighed, tugging at the ends of her deep brown hair. It hung loose and wavy almost down to her waist. “At least, I don’t think so. I haven’t seen or heard from him since that night.”

Rainey didn’t have to specify which night. It haunted both of them, a reminder of the death of a family and a violent rebirth into the new age. It had been followed the next morning by the burial of the man Rainey had loved as her true father － far truer than the man who had sired her.

“Charles…. Why are you here? Not to seem inhospitable. I just never thought I would see you again.”

Charles pondered her question as he turned an ear toward the front room where shrill arbitrary notes from a harmonica broke the silence. They were tentative and thoughtful, as if Julian were trying to piece together sounds in some semblance of order. It never occurred to Rainey that he might have inherited his father’s talent for music.

“Arthur had been on my mind.” Charles said vaguely, rubbing the stubble on his chin in thought. “Then I had that conversation with the trapper, and it felt like a sign. I had to see if it really was you. Arthur would have wanted that.” Charles paused. “Seems like the old gang keeps cropping up. A lot happened last year, dunno if you heard. Micah is dead. Hunted him down at Mount Hagen with John and Sadie.”

Rainey processed the information. When she had cut and ran from the gang her heart had been in tatters. Making herself disappear had been easy, but she had cut ties with everyone she knew from that life. However, the decision was justified soon after when she discovered she was pregnant.

Hearing that Micah was dead was a hollow sort of victory. A man like had been bound to get his one way or the other.

“We can talk about that later.” Rainey gave a clearing sniff and composed herself. “You’re stayin’, of course. Julian and I been sleepin’ by the fire so you can have the bed.”

Charles chuckled － the sound was a rich warm comfort that lightened the mood. “I appreciate it.”

“ _Mamá! Mira!_ ” Julian said in excitement when they joined him by the fire. He waved the harmonica and gave a bright smile. Bringing it to his lips he blew a through the instrument and created a discordant shriek, but Rainey gave an indulgent smile and ruffled his untameable hair.

“ _Bien hecho, Mijo._ Maybe Charles can teach you some while I fix dinner.”

Later that evening after they had eaten － a rice dish mixed with meat and herbs － Rainey soaked up the heat from the fire and from the boy who had fallen asleep using her lap as a pillow. Feeling more content since she purged herself of some of her grief Rainey turned her attention toward Charles. A chunk of wood was being worked in his deft hands by a sharp little whittling knife. Shavings fluttered to the floor.

“Tell me about the others?” Rainey finally asked, stopping his motions with her request as he leaned back in the rocking chair thoughtfully, his solid weight making the wood groan.

“John found me in Saint Denis a couple of years after everyone split. He and Abigail were separated, so he wanted to build a house for her and Jack to earn them back. Me and Uncle helped him set up a place in Beecher’s Hope.”

Rainey gave a soft snort. “Yeah. I’m sure Uncle was a real help.”

“After the house was built Sadie came around saying she caught wind of Micah. She’s a bounty hunter these days.” Rainey smiled, unsurprised that her old friend was still living rough and courting danger. It had been one of their strongest bonds. “We tracked Micah down in the mountains with his new gang. Dutch was there.”

Rainey felt her veins turn to ice as her green eyes bore into Charles with piercing attention. “He dead too?”

Charles gave a negative shake of the head, dashing Rainey’s hope of petty justice. “In the end, Dutch shot Micah first. He wasn’t the same man anymore, that much I can tell. More of a ghost. We let him walk away.” Rainey frowned deep. “He’s suffering, Rainey. Maybe not the way we’d like, but we both know better than most that nightmares of the soul can be a worse fate than death.”  

“I suppose you’re right,” Rainey sighed. With a free hand she massaged the bridge of her nose. “Heard about anyone else?”

“Pearson runs the general store in Rhodes. Mary-Beth is writing books.” There was a weighty pause, and Rainey knew without a doubt there was something else Charles wasn’t saying.

“...Javier?”

“Back in Mexico,” Charles said.

Rainey stared down at the boy in her lap and gently rubbed a thumb across his cheek. Her sweet, intelligent boy who minded his mother and asked for nothing but to know as much as he could about his _padre_. A boy who had been starved of that simple consolation but deserved as much of the world as Rainey could give him.

“You did what you had to.” Charles interrupted her spiraling thoughts. “For you. For your boy. Javier… I think it did something to him － losing you. Losing the gang. The rumors I heard were of a broken, violent man.”

Javier was always violent, Rainey thought. Always teetering on the edge between intensity and composure. It was one of the things that had drawn her to him, that passion. When Javier felt deeply he did it with his entire being, which often led to volatility when crossed. No, rumors like that weren’t a surprise. It only hurt that Javier believed Rainey betrayed him when she had never loved anyone more fierce other than the boy he bestowed upon her.

Rainey licked her dry lips, wild ideas formulating in her head in a way they hadn’t since becoming a mother.

“Where in Mexico, Charles?”  

“Rainey, I know what you’re thinking. Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“No,” Rainey replied with a wry laugh. “Which is why I’m considering it. I can’t live like this anymore, Charles. With the pain, the unspoken words, the memories. Julian asks me about his father almost every day now, and I look him in the eyes and see his hope crumble each time I can’t give him the answers.” She exhaled in irony. "Nightmares of the soul, you said."

Tears fell down her cheeks, and Rainey screwed up her face in frustration as she scrubbed them away. She was not going to let herself break down again. “Besides, Javier deserves to know, if nothing else. I thought by keepin’ Julian a secret it was keepin’ him safe, but…maybe it was doin’ more harm than good.”

“It’s dangerous,” Charles warned. “Especially with a young boy along.”

“Oh, I’m not takin’ Julian if I do this.” Rainey curled an arm subconsciously tighter around Julian’s sleeping form. Locking eyes with Charles projected her intention loud and clear.

“You want me to care for him while you go.” Charles stated the fact with dawning amusement, his eyes darting to Julian in apprehension.

“If I go,” Rainey corrected.

“When.”

They stared each other down, all straight faces and stubborn will until Rainey’s mouth slowly tilted up at one corner.

“You know me too well, Charles.”


	2. Prologue II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where all my Charles lovers at? 
> 
> Dinner is served.

What began as a night turned into Charles staying with Rainey and Julian the entire winter.

Charles was a welcome addition to their family. Along with the help he provided around the house and with hunting Charles also spent significant time with Julian. Being around children was something Rainey assumed Charles had little experience in given how awkward and stiff he acted at first, but in time the large man was a natural. Julian adored spending time with him, and Charles seemed to take Julian under his wing.

Seeing Julian so happy made Rainey question the wisdom of seeking Javier out at all. Her heart still ached at the thought of him, but having Charles around had made the loneliness easier to bear. There had always been a fondness between them － a kindred understanding － and Rainey would be lying if she said she hadn’t secretly admired the man’s profile more than once since he showed up on their doorstep.

Javier was still the only man Rainey had ever given herself to, however, and it felt disloyal to her heart to entertain thoughts of another man. But it had been so many years since she had been intimately touched, and after the comfort Charles had provided that first night her body had been starved for more substantial contact. Hormones were confusing her mind.

If Charles noticed Rainey’s preoccupations he remained silent on the subject, though Rainey swore at times she could feel him studying her across the room, contemplative yet reserved. Over the years Rainey had discovered that Charles was the kind of man to hide his thoughts behind a wall of stoicism. It was as frustrating as it was familiar as Rainey had the same habit, and a total switch from the straightforward advances she was used to from Javier.

Not that Rainey was even sure Charles was interested in her that way. Their relationship had always been one based on mutual respect, nothing more. But there was no telling what went on behind that stern face as he concentrated on another small block of wood while seated in front of the fire.

Rainey found her gaze drawn to those strong, wide hands. It amazed her how delicate they could be, crafting what was probably another small animal for Julian’s growing collection. Charles had fashioned a bear, a wolf and a rabbit for him already.

“What’s it this time?” Rainey asked, diverting her attention back down to the fat rabbit she was cleaning. She was most definitely  _not_ thinking about how one of those hands could engulf her whole chest.

Charles held up the small figure to the light. From the block of wood a smooth curved body was forming. “Fish.”

“Julian will like that,” Rainey said. “Ever since you told him his papá liked to fish he’s been obsessed with them.”

Charles brushed his hands of the wood dust and set aside his project. “Spring is nearing. Have you given more thought to Mexico?”

Rainey’s knife stopped mid-chop, the question almost startling her. She set the knife aside and leaned on the counter with her palms. Rainey strained her ears to listen for the slosh of water as Julian cleaned up for dinner in the washroom, making sure he was out of earshot.

“I don’t know.” Rainey sighed and looked to her friend, as if the answer lie somewhere in those dark pondering eyes. “A part of me tells me it’s something I need to do, but another part of me says to let the past lie. If Javier has changed for the worse it makes me question if he’d even be good for Julian.”

“What about what’s good for you?”

The question hung in the air as Rainey stared at him blankly. Concern puckered his brow as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, his curtain of raven hair dangling between them. Highlights of orange reflected in his eyes from the fire － brown like Javier’s but softer, less penetrating and more observant － and Rainey found it difficult to look away.

“It doesn’t matter what’s good for me,” Rainey muttered, forcing her gaze to the cleaned rabbit in front of her. She shooed away thoughts of how that lustrous hair might feel between her fingers, or those full lips against her skin.

“I think it does,” Charles disagreed.

The rest of the conversation was cut short as Julian came bounding in, all eagerness as he sat himself at Charles’s feet. Charles had promised a lesson on the harmonica while Rainey prepared dinner. Julian had a thirst for knowledge, and he sat with keen interest as Charles began to explain how to make certain notes.

Seeing this domestic scene in front of her was one of the reasons Rainey wondered if she should even go to Mexico. Charles had been so good for Julian, teaching and bonding with him as he was, giving her son a positive male presence in his life. It reminded Rainey of her bond with Arthur. The only problem was not knowing if Charles planned to stick around, or if his own desires urged him to move on.

With these confusing feelings about Charles warring with her residual love for Javier it made the choice much more complicated － messy. Deep inside Rainey knew she still needed to seek Javier out, and it was her fear of being face to face with him again that held her back. Eight years was a long time, and the worst outcome aside from death would be to discover Javier felt nothing at her arrival. After everything Rainey’s heart couldn’t bear it.

Burgeoning attraction to Charles aside, Rainey admitted she held onto a hope that was as strong as it was naive. Underneath her impassive exterior burned a bright flame for Javier still. Was it love, or memory of a love that was long gone? Was there even a difference? She still dreamt of a fanciful future in the dead of night － the one that had dissipated long ago beneath the heel of a gold-tipped boot as Javier departed with Dutch. One where they spent the rest of their lives together raising their boy and carving a little home out in the world.

_Para su familia._

As the mouth-watering smell of cooked meat filled the tiny cabin Rainey cast a fond eye on her son. For Julian she would try, if not for herself. Charles was an excellent companion, but he was not Julian’s father. Eventually Julian would pine for knowledge of his real father again, and there was no reason Rainey could see not to give it without caving in to to her doubts.

Once the decision was made Rainey felt a temporary peace untie the hard knot in her belly. After setting out three plates she called Charles and Julian to the table and served the rabbit with gravy and fried potatoes. It made Rainey’s pulse flutter to see Charles eat as voraciously as Julian, shoveling down the fare as if it were going to get up and hop away.

Charles caught Rainey watching as he looked up, and she offered him a fond smile while managing not to blush but only just.

“ _Mamá, puedo ir a cazar con Señor Smith_?”

“Are you askin’ in Spanish because he doesn’t know what you’re volunteering him for?” Rainey said with a knowing look. Julian looked abashed at her assessment and looked away while fidgeting in his seat. It was hard to be stern at the comical widening of his murky hazel eyes and the way guilt wrote itself all over his face.

“I can guess,” Charles interjected. “Something about hunting.”

Rainey had to bite her lip to keep from laughing outright as red tinged her son’s cheeks. Julian learned he was not as sneaky as he thought and was in no way a match for the ever-vigilant Charles. Charles offered Rainey a sheepish smile and shifted in his chair.

“Julian has been asking me about hunting,” Charles said. “I said it would take practice before he was ready, and that I would show him the bow if his mother said it was okay.”

“Can I learn the bow, mamá?” Julian perked up, turning his eager face to his mother. “I can use yours!”

The audacity of his statement reminded Rainey so much of Javier she sat back in her seat with her eyebrows shooting toward her hairline. “Can you,  _Mijo_? I don’t remember sayin’ yes.” She let him suffer in silence for a few moments. “You know, Charles made me that bow.”

Merriment danced in Charles’s eyes and a startled smile lit his face. “You still have it?”

“Wouldn’t give it up for the world,” Rainey promised. She looked askance at Julian, who poked at his remaining food with utter disappointment. Rainey was never good at being strict for long when pitted against that sweet pouty face. “Except maybe I might think about loaning it out just this once.”

Julian’s glum mood went up in smoke and was replaced by an instant enthusiasm. “Really mamá? I can?”

“I said I would  _think_ about it  _Mijo_. As for hunting… that’s out of the question, you know that.”

“ _Sí_ , mamá.” Julian frowned and rubbed his scar.

Later that evening, long after their bellies had settled and that drowsy warm feeling by the fire set in, Julian fell asleep beneath a fur blanket with a hand still curled around his wooden bear. Rainey had just finished cleaning up in the kitchen and bent to ease the figurine from his hand, which reflexively twitched at the loss.

Charles slipped in the front door so quiet the only indication it had opened was the still cold breeze that blew in with him. He had gone out to check the horses once more for the night. Now he watched Rainey extinguish the rusted metal lantern that sat on the dining table as he shed his coat. Half of the cabin was plunged into darkness, and even through the shadows cast from the flames of the hearth Rainey could still feel those assessing eyes.

“The horses are good. I had to break up the ice in their trough again,” he said finally.

Checking Julian with a glance Rainey leaned her back against the wall with a sigh and gave Charles a timid smile. “I never said thank you,” Rainey said in a low voice so as not to disturb Julian. “For everything. For stickin’ around… and bein’ so good to my boy.”  

“No need,” Charles said earnestly. He joined her in the darkness and leaned a shoulder against the wall next to her, his size dwarfing her in comparison. Near such an imposing figure Rainey would normally be intimidated, but Charles’s form offered her only protection and reassurance. It was a good feeling. “It’s what friends are for.”

“Well you’re one of the best,” Rainey insisted, reaching out to squeeze his arm just below his elbow. She let her hand stray down the firm muscle of his forearm to his wrist before letting go, testing the waters as if the small touch alone would give her more insight to her budding interest.

An undeniable pulse of desire sparked at her fingertips － an alluring curiosity to explore the bare flesh of his chiseled body and to feel their bodies entwined. Charles’s fingers twitched when she let go, and she noted the way they seemed to reach out for more contact when she pulled away.

Maybe he was just as starved for touch as her.

Rainey cleared her throat. “I decided I’m going. To Mexico, I mean.” Charles gave a short nod, drawing his shoulders back as if to put more distance between them. As if her words were somehow a physical push. “I don’t have a plan yet, but whatever happens I would trust no one else with Julian except you. I don’t expect you to accept that responsibility, but I’m going no matter wh－”

A reassuring hand rested on her shoulder accompanied by an affectionate squeeze, cutting off her words. “I will, don’t worry about it. I’ve grown fond of him.”

His last words were dense, hiding more in behind those syllables than what he was actually saying. Rainey tilted her head to press her cool cheek against the warmth of his scarred hard, closing her eyes and letting herself go for a change. Caution had driven her down a lonely path, and it felt good to partake in even the tiniest of pleasures.

“In another life I could have fallen for you.” Rainey whispered her confession, her belly dropping at the beat of silence that followed at her escaped thought. She was afraid to open her eyes and see his judgment, but when she did he regarded her with a knowing resignation.

“In another life,” he agreed, “because in this life your heart belongs to another.” Rainey smiled sadly, reaching up to capture his hand and bring his knuckles to her lips. “I’ve always known.”

Rainey wondered at the implications of his words. Had he been drawn to her in the past? It hardly mattered, she supposed, because she had only ever had eyes for Javier. Javier, who had incinerated her so completely and imprinted on her very soul. But she was weary of living so solitary and chaste waiting for a fairytale ending that she feared would never come.

Rainey wanted to allow herself to be selfish, if only just this once.

“He’s not here,” Rainey pointed out boldly, kissing the back of his hand right on the knotted swirl of flesh from a burn long healed. His fingers instinctually entwined around her hand and he didn’t pull away. It gave her the courage to continue, her heart hammering an excited beat against her ribs. “Hasn’t been for a long time. There ain’t ever been anyone else.”

“Lorraine－”

“Rainey,” she whispered, moving closer into his space and soaking up the heat that wafted from his body. He still smelled of the crisp cold of the outdoors. Of wet wood and the sweet scent of hay. “That’s the second time you called me Lorraine. You’re lucky I like you.”

“Rainey,” Charles corrected with a disbelieving laugh through his nose. “I don’t want you to feel like you owe me something. Especially not that.”

Rainey frowned and punched his chest, crossing her arms protectively over herself and stepping away. Embarrassment and indignation sizzled together in her gut and smothered her confidence. “I didn’t… I  _wasn’t_... You know what? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

Rainey tried to flee the room, but Charles caught her hand and anchored her with the simple gesture. Regret softened his own lined face, twisted up like he had made a rare misstep in his communication. “I only meant that I wouldn’t take advantage of you, not that you were…”

Charles trailed off, but Rainey huffed and filled in the blanks. “Tryin’ to whore myself out to you for favors?” Charles winced, and the glimpse of his wounded pride eased her tense disposition. “No. I just misread things, I guess. I don’t know. I’m not sure about much anymore.” She ran a nervous hand through her hair.

“You didn’t.”

Rainey counted the spaces between her breaths as she waited for Charles to say something else. A question mark lay between them, both on the precipice between want and restraint. Charles’s posture was rigid and unsure. Rainey licked her lips and pressed a hand to his chest and felt the steady thump of his heart beneath her palm.

“I truly care for you,” Rainey said slowly, picking her way through the undergrowth of her tangled thoughts. “My heart belongs to Javier and probably always will, but…for now I don’t want to think about him. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to hurt. I want to feel something after all these years, if only just this once.”

Charles mulled over her words, brown eyes never leaving her face. Rainey only hoped he could understand what she was trying to say, and when he placed his hand over her own an excited shiver spread through her whole body.

“You’re sure about this?” he asked, his voice taking on the low tones of lust that shot right through her.

“Only if you want to.”

Charles touched her face gently, caressing her old bullet graze scar absently as he bent to touch his soft lips to hers. She kissed back slowly, exploring the pillowy pressure, touching the tip of her tongue to the seam of them to taste him deeper. Charles opened to her and became more heated, like a slow-burning fire flaring to life from dying embers. Rainey lost track of the time, suspended in the sweet cocoon of his arms as his body shielded hers against the wall.

Rainey’s chest was heavy with shaky gulps of air when she pulled away to make sure Julian was still asleep. “Come on,” she beckoned, tugging his arm to indicate he follow behind her into the bedroom.

Once Rainey shut the door carefully behind them she turned and admired Charles in the moonlight streaming in from the window. It glowed his hair and Rainey gave in to the urge to touch it, moving to brush her hand down to the very ends. Even windblown it was beautiful and wild; such a counterpoint to the statuesque man it adorned.

Her eyes trailed downward, and all Rainey could think was just how much of a  _man_ Charles was.

“You can still change your mind…” Charles said when she hadn’t made another move.

“It’s not that,” Rainey said, her cheeks burning. She caressed the rough stubble of his heavy jaw. “I’m just nervous, and you’re so…”

“So what?”

“Striking,” Rainey breathed with a laugh. “I think I could stare at you all day.”

If it were possible to make Charles blush Rainey thought she stood a good chance of having done it right then by the embarrassed little smile and the way he dropped his gaze. Rainey stood on her toes and kissed him again, more insistent this time － assured. Charles responded by raising his hands just hovering on the brink of touching her as he kissed back, and Rainey chuckled against his lips.

“You can touch me,” she invited, and immediately those alluring hands found their places splayed across her back to pull her close. Rainey moaned softly into his mouth at how they nearly covered half of her entire back, just like she thought they might.

They undressed each other unhurriedly, sliding their clothes to the floor in hushed whispers of fabric. Charles was just as gorgeous beneath those clothes as he was with them on, and Rainey feasted on the exposed skin of his chest, sliding her tongue over a mixture of the defined bumps of his muscles and raised scars while her hand explored the thickness of his hardened cock.

Charles cupped her chin and captured her mouth again, walking her backwards to the bed. Easily he scooped her up and laid her gently down, moving to lavish her own body with attention. Skilled hands warmed her aching body with sensual caresses as he kissed her from her mouth down her throat, the ends of his hair tickling her sensitive skin. His mouth lowered to leave wet trails down the valley of her breasts as he thumbed her nipples to stiff peaks with teasing circles. Every motion was deliberate and methodical as he listened to her moans and sighs, tracking the path of her pleasure.

When his tongue dipped into her folds to taste her she had to stifle her face with a pillow to muffle her noises. That wide tongue took its time tracing her womanhood, licking her into a near orgasm and then backing off until she was swollen and drenched by the time a large finger worked its way into her channel. Sweat broke out along her skin as she rode his hand, and even being filled by a digit was a pure bliss she had been missing for such a long time. Before he could add a second finger Rainey pulled away and sat up, grabbing for a thick arm before he could get the wrong idea.

“Come here Charles. Sit up for me.”

Rainey positioned him so his back leaned against the heavy frame of the bed with his erection awaiting attention, and Rainey swallowed thickly as she straddled his wide frame and positioned herself to sink down. She looked into his heavy lidded eyes that mirrored her own in their desire, and she sank down. Rainey whimpered at the tight stretch, but it felt so  _good_ , and by the time she had him to the root she was trembling in his arms as they wrapped firm around her torso.

“ _God_ , Charles,” Rainey sighed, tipping her head back and closing her eyes in rapture. She clenched her pelvic muscles around his shaft, and Charles groaned as she tightened around him.

Charles rested a hand on her lower back and pressed into the base of her spine, and Rainey slid upward with the motion. Her breasts brushed against his chest and she wrapped her arms around his neck as she rode him with painstaking slowness. Every inch of him warmed that hollow space inside of her, warding off the chill that had taken residence there. Rainey rested her cheek against his, panting heavy into his ear, blowing back strands of his hair with every invigorated exhale.

Charles was a quiet and patient lover, his tender hold shifting to the back of her head and rapid breaths telling a story of gratification at the way she was coming undone on top of him. Just when Rainey thought she could bear no more of this pace Charles planted his feet on the stuffed mattress and began thrusting to meet her, a startled squeak of pure delight breaking the relative silence.

Rainey felt the rumble of his laugh through his chest and her lips as he captured her mouth in a kiss to absorb her vocalizations. She held on for dear life as her release came upon her like a wave crashing to shore. She clenched so hard around him Charles dug his fingers into her hips as his own orgasm began to mount, his muscles tense and cock throbbing a warning inside of her.

Rainey sucked hard on his bottom lip as she let his erection slip out of her, replacing her warmth with a firm hand. Charles bucked into her palm with shameless abandon, hissing and sputtering to keep from being too loud as she squeezed firm, using her own residual wetness to lubricate the slide of his thrusts. Charles went still and then dropped his head back with stuttered exhales of air as he came heavy over them both.

Rainey pulled away and kissed his damp forehead before getting up to dip a washcloth into a basin she kept in there and wringing it out. With a gentle care she cleaned both of them up, an awkward and yet enjoyable silence that blanketed them as they both came down from their highs. When she was done she tossed the cloth aside and crawled into his arms, relieved when he embraced her in return.

“That was－”

“Incredible,” Rainey finished, smiling up at him from her nest in his arms. She wriggled up and kissed his cheek, brushing the hair sticking to his face and neck back from the skin. Charles looked up at her fondly where she propped herself over him, an uncharacteristically smug smile tugging his lips. “This is a good look for you, Mr. Smith. I ain’t never seen you lookin’ so proud of yourself before.”

“You brought it out of me,” he replied, tracing her jaw with his thumb as the rest of his hand buried in her hair. The gesture felt meaningful but tinged with sadness, like a missed opportunity or a dream that was never to come true. Charles’s eyes gave nothing away in their deep brown depths. “Javier is a lucky man.”

Rainey winced at the name, turning her face to kiss his callused palm. She had such affection for Charles. He was truly a good man, and it killed her that she couldn’t offer him more of herself. “I bet he don’t see it that way.”

“You never know.”

“I don’t wanna talk about him,” Rainey dismissed. She trailed her hand down to the ridges of his abs, burying her nose in his hair and kissing the back of his neck. The musky scent of sweat and sex and earth filled her nostrils.

“If you’re up for it, I’d like to have you again.”

Charles pulled away to roll her over so he could hover over her. His hair slipped forward like an onyx cascade and framed them in their own dark haven.

“I’m up for it.”


	3. Prologue III

“You sure?”

Rainey pressed the old sharp scissors into Charles’s hand and turned around. “It’ll only get in my way.”

The first  _snick_ of the steel severing through the strands of her hair made her cringe. Once the weight dropped away snip after snip Rainey felt more at ease. Charles took the length up to her shoulders like she requested, and by the time he was finished Rainey felt like a new person. Like the weight of so many burdens were finally toppling from her back.

“Thanks,” Rainey said, touching the ends like they were foreign. The discarded length of her hair lay in a dark mass on the floor. “I’ll clean this up if you don’t mind to fetch Julian?”

Charles disappeared out to the barn to retrieve her son where he was tending to the horses. Since the weather was beginning to break Julian had taken on more responsibilities to help, and she couldn’t be prouder of her hardworking boy. It made her all the more determined to see things through so she could give him at least some closure about his father if not a new beginning.

Today she was going to tell Julian about their trip.

Rainey had been planning her next moves carefully with the help of Charles. After much debate and convincing on Charles’s part he had talked Rainey into a stop at Beecher’s Hope. Though it was long in the past Rainey never cared for Abigail, who had made her opinions of Javier painfully clear more than once.

Charles brought up how it was a perfect midway point for the journey, and John could provide more local information than what Charles had been privy to. Rainey had grudgingly agreed. It was when Charles had initially suggested he and Julian ride along that far with her when Rainey had balked.

Julian and Charles entered the house. Julian’s face was sweaty and hair mussed from work, but there was a satisfied gleam in his eyes. With every year that passed Rainey allowed him more freedom even though her motherly instincts hearkened her to shield and protect. They had failed her once, and after Julian had received the brand of that failure on his cheek Rainey swore never to fail him again.

“Mamá,  _tu pelo_!” Julian exclaimed. Muddy boots tracked prints onto the wooden floorboards as he ran to reach up and touch the ends of her hair when Rainey crouched to receive him.

“Yes,  _Mijo_. There is a reason.” Rainey wrinkled her nose when she caught sight of Julian’s grubby hands. The scent of horse was strong on him. “Go clean up and I'll share my news. Boots off first.”

Julian looked behind him and noticed his mess, but his excitement outweighed the guilt. “ _Lo siento_!” he apologized over his shoulder as he disappeared into the washroom after he had tugged off his deerskin boots. Charles had done the same, but with more grace and much less mess.

“Everything will be fine,” Charles said for what had to be the hundredth time. His ability to see through her armor was uncanny.

“I know.” Rainey wetted a dish rag and began picking up the larger clumps of cold mud. Charles grabbed another to mop up the footprints. “And he'll love the trip. It's just hard to watch him grow up so fast on me. By the time I get back from this mess he’ll be as tall as I am.”

“I doubt that,” Charles said with no small amount of amusement in his voice. When Rainey grimaced he sombered up and touched her elbow, his eyes serious. “I’ll make sure he’s safe. That’s why it’s better with Abigail and John. Safety in numbers.”

Whatever Rainey felt about Abigail, the woman was a fierce mother and more than capable of keeping a child safe. Rainey remembered the wild look in her eye when the Braithwaites had taken little Jack, and how it took several of them to keep Abigail from marching into that madness at the plantation house. Even Rainey hadn’t been there (at the behest of Javier. She still remembered the pleading in his voice as he held her to his chest all but ordering her to stay.) Surely if Abigail had gone that night she would have been killed, but she would have done for her boy in an instant.

Rainey straightened and dropped the soiled rag into the wash water. Turning to face Charles she leaned her sore back against the edge of the counter. “It’s not just that,” she admitted, averting her gaze and picking at a loose thread at the hem of her faded blue shirt. “It’s…what comes after, too.”

Talking of Javier with Charles was disconcerting for Rainey, who fought not to fidget noticeably. That night with Charles had been cathartic and spectacular, but it had not happened again since. Their friendship remained easygoing as ever. It relieved Rainey to know she hadn’t ruined it with her impulsive behavior, but it was strange to bring up one lover to another － even if she and Charles had moved on like nothing ever happened.

Charles, for his part, offered nothing but support. “You can do this. I don't think I've met too many other women half as stubborn.”

Rainey scowled, but it was almost fond because Javier had always accused her of the same trait. Julian exited the washroom and upon seeing him Rainey turned her scowl into a smile. His cheeks were red from scrubbing and he acted put out now that he was clean, but Rainey knew better. The boy loved to be clean as much as his father.

“I have a surprise for you  _Mijo_ ,” Rainey said, watching the budding excitement lighten Julian’s face as his dark eyebrows shot into the air. “We’re going to take a trip.”

“Where Mamá? Is Mr. Charles coming too?” Each question was punctuated by a bounce on his heels like he expected they would leave immediately. Charles concealed a grin at the moniker Julian bestowed him with. He had given Julian permission to use his given name, but Julian had settled for a respectful medium.

“Yes. And, you're going to meet some new people. John and Abigail Marston also knew your father. They have a boy of their own, Jack. He’s older, but I think you two will get along.”

“Can we leave now? I'm ready!”

Rainey chuckled and ruffled his hair. “Not just yet,  _mi príncipe_. We still have to pack and get supplies. I have another surprise in store for you, but that will have to wait until we get to Beecher’s Hope.”

 

✭✭✭

  
  


The journey to Beecher’s Hope was a long one and horribly uneventful. After a migrant life Julian’s birth had prompted Rainey to settle down. It had been years since she made a trip like this, but the excitement waned quickly at the changes the years spent in seclusion had wrought on the land. More houses and roads had been forged where once the wilderness had stretched. Modernization’s greedy fingers were reaching further out than just the bigger settlements.

As a result the government was imposing its order on the people. Several lawmen, bounty hunters and marshals passed them by, offering no more than the passing curiosity. As former members of a notorious gang Rainey had still been nervous at first, one hand ready to dip into her gator skin jacket. It was a favorite of Rainey’s when the weather was fair, and also because the inside had neat little sheaths sewn in the lining to house her knives.

Her instincts were still sharp at least.

Julian was the opposite of his mother. Every new sight was like a magical opening to a world he never knew existed. Often he tugged Rainey’s sleeve with endless questions and exclamations. If nothing from this journey came to fruition then Rainey would at least be able to treasure the bright eyes and breathless wonder of her son. Especially when he sometimes waved happily at the same passing strangers Rainey was calculating the best way to dispatch if need arose.

The first night they had camped Rainey had presented Julian with her bow. Along the way Charles had given him lessons, which only added to Julian’s enthusiasm for the trip. The bow was much too long for him, but he was able to pull the string back well enough to begin learning. Strength would build over time.

The land became steadily drier and more open, giving way to bursts of wind that swept strongly over the parched plains. Storms were rolling in from the east, and soon the thirsty ground would drink deep of spring’s arrival.

“That’s the house.” Charles pointed through a scattering of trees around the trail. From their angle Rainey could just make out the shape of a sizable brown farmhouse with a wood fence that haphazardly lined the perimeter. It was clearly a labor of love, and even Charles took pride in his work there if the tone of his voice was any indication.

“It's nice,” Rainey said. “Bigger than I thought. Must have been a lot of work for just the two of you.”

“Did you help build  _la casa_ Mr. Charles?”

“I did.” Charles gave Julian a small smile. “It took a long time.” He shrugged beneath the brown vest and white shirt he wore. “It was important to John. I was happy to help him see it through.”

Such a good man, Rainey thought to herself with a faint smile. For someone so solitary it was always in his nature to care for those important to him, even back in the gang days. So much like Arthur it hurt Rainey’s heart to think of it.

Scorpio and Taima trotted side by side － Taima with a small cart attached to the back carrying their supplies － like two old friends as they had the entire way. Scorpio was a notoriously ill-tempered horse, though he had long since mellowed out after years of Rainey’s persistent tenacity. Taima had been there since the very first day Rainey broke him, however, and perhaps a stay in close quarters all winter had finally endeared Scorpio to another horse.

John Marston hopped the ranch fence a few yards away to greet them as they stopped the horses in front of the house. He squinted against the sun to make out the visitors, relaxing when he recognized Charles.  “I’ll be damned, Charles! You said you was lookin’ to settle down.”

Rainey shifted awkwardly as Charles helped Julian down from Scorpio. John frowned as he examined the boy, no doubt noting the age and ethnicity right away. John’s eyes snapped to Rainey, and after a moment his mouth parted in disbelief. John was not nearly as stupid as so many people had always insisted.

“ _Rainey Bennett_?” John asked with a laugh, offering her an arm to make dismounting Scorpio easier. The offer was a friendly courtesy Rainey accepted, even as John yelled for Abigail and Jack to come outside.

“Good to see you John,” Rainey said with a smile as she clapped him on the back. The heavy knot of anxiety in her stomach unfurled a little at the familiarity. “Nice place you got here.”

John rubbed the back of his neck, the scars on his face pulling with his bashful smile. Abigail and Jack emerged onto the front porch. “Who is it John?” Abigail asked, wiping her hands upon a towel.

“It’s Charles,” John said. “And you’ll never believe it － Rainey Bennett.” As Abigail turned with wide eyes toward Rainey she caught sight of Julian, who hovered with uncertainty at his mother’s hip.

Rainey guided him in front of her with gentle hands on his shoulders and stroked his wild hair from his forehead. “This is Julian,” Rainey introduced. “My son.”

“ _Hola_.”

There was a beat of silence after Julian spoke. John and Abigail traded glances, but Abigail quickly recovered and smiled sweetly at him.

“Well it is nice to meet you.” Abigail gestured to the bookish young man hovering at the porch railing that Rainey thought couldn't possibly be the tiny young boy she remembered. “This is our boy Jack. Jack, why don't you show Julian around the house?”

“Yes Ma’am,” Jack responded. Julian looked to Rainey with pleading eyes when Jack waved him forward. The chances for Julian to be around other children had been slim.

“Go on,  _Mijo_ ,” Rainey urged.

“ _Gracias Mamá_!”

Julian ran off after Jack, leaving the adults staring after the boys as they disappeared behind the front door. Rainey shuffled her feet, glancing at Abigail and John. It was clear as a bell on both their faces what they wanted to ask.

“He’s Javier's,” she confirmed. “It's why we're here.”

Charles unhooked the cart from Taima and laid it to the ground. “I'll get the horses settled.”

“Why don't you two head on in? I’ll help Charles out in the barn,” John offered. “We’ll talk after.”

Rainey nodded, following stiffly behind Abigail. The woman still looked much like Rainey remembered; weathered, but with a natural beauty that showed through the lines on her face. Piercing hazel-blue eyes looked back at Rainey with the sort of awe that suggested she was the last person Abigail expected on her doorstep.

“You look the same,” Abigail said after her assessment, holding open the door for her. “More filled out, now. Childbirth suited you.”

Rainey smiled at the strange compliment as she looked around the beautiful home. John had done well for his family in the recent years. A hand-masoned fireplace of stone dominated the front wall of the living room with a colorful woven rug in front. Various skins and pictures dotted the walls － trinkets and trophies telling the stories of the Marston’s lives. A small open dining area blended into a tidy kitchen.

From a back room Rainey could hear the boys chatting quietly, with Julian’s laughter punctuating whatever had been said. “Seems like they're getting along. Julian was very excited to meet Jack. He sure has grown up.”

“That he has,” Abigail agreed sadly. She leaned a curvy hip against the fireplace as Rainey wandered the living room to view the photographs more closely. “Look, I know we ain't never been close, but it's good to see you well. No one ever heard nothin’ about you. It looked like you up and vanished.”

“It was meant to,” Rainey said, turning away from a photo of the property when it was just sad barren land with a broken down shack. “I found out I was pregnant with Julian after we all split up. I couldn't take the chance of putting him in danger by roamin’ like I used to. Found a place up in Ambarino to settle down and raise him.”

Charles and John came through the front door, both with armloads of supplies. “Just drop it off in here for now,” Abigail directed to the living room. “Jack can sleep in our room with us. Rainey and Julian can have Jack’s room. Charles you can have Uncle’s until he gets back.”

“Where is Uncle?”

“Town, I imagine,” John said. “Prolly another one of his binges again. Disappears for a while from time to time then comes back passed out over his horse. Useless for days after.”

“You mean useless as usual,” Abigail quipped. John laughed and wrapped a loving arm around his wife. The volatility of their relationship Rainey remembered had changed into the sort of cozy tenderness she had always wanted for herself and Javier. Rainey averted her eyes as her chest tightened.

John cleared his throat and moved toward the kitchen. “How ‘bout a drink?”

When they were all seated around the dining table with a glass of whiskey apiece Rainey took a breath and looked to John and Abigail. They had been polite in not bringing up Javier before she was ready to do so herself. She finished her shot and looked around the table. The children were still embroiled in each other's company in another part of the house, so Rainey figured now was as good a time as any.

“Charles told me Javier is in Mexico,” she started, tracing the patterns of the tablecloth beneath her fingers. “I intend to find him.”

John coughed and shifted in his seat. “What for? For the boy? Because Rainey, I heard some things and they ain't good. Not sure you wanna be draggin’ your boy into all that.”

Rainey glanced at Charles. Just his presence was comforting, and when he gave her a small smile she pressed forward. “I ain't taking Julian. I'm leaving him with Charles while I go. As for Javier… he…” Rainey helped herself to the whiskey, pouring a healthy dose and drinking the strong spirit. “He don't know about his son.”

“Tell her, John,” Abigail spoke, looking to her husband. A deep concern passed her face, almost akin to pity when she looked at Rainey. She wrung her hands atop the table.

“Tell me what?”

John leaned forward. “Javier is a hit man now. Wanted all up and down Mexico and across the border. I ain't about to tell you what to do, but do you really want a man like that around your kid?”

Dread boiled in her belly, but the news was hardly surprising. Her hand curled around her glass until the tiny nicks and scars stood out against the pressure. “I have to try.” She flicked her eyes up to the couple. “I put this off for too long outta fear… and pride. Julian deserves to know about his father. One way or another I will find out. I'll either bring him back, or I'll take care of him myself.”

Charles’s eyebrows shot into the air. Abigail and John were a mirror of one another, mouths hanging open. Rainey remained neutral. This part of her plan she had not discussed with Charles. If Javier was as lost as they implied she couldn't take any chances when it came to Julian. It would be the hardest thing she would do, killing him, but if it came down to it she would.

Rainey would do what it took to keep her son safe.

“Do you know where he is John?”

John poured another glass of whiskey for himself and cradled the glass in his fingers, more of a comfort than anything. “Not exactly, but I know where he's been.” John stared off out the window and then refocused on his wife. The smile he gave her was almost apologetic. Abigail’s eyebrows drew together.

“I’ll take ya myself.”

Wood scraped against wood as Abigail stood suddenly, nearly knocking over her whiskey glass in the process. Her fingers dug into John’s arm as she pulled him to follow her, but still had the presence of mind to say “excuse us” to her guests. They hissed at each other in low voices as Abigail pulled John through the kitchen and into a back room.

Rainey snorted into her drink and set it aside. It was beginning to burn her stomach. “Well that went well.” Cradling her chin in her hand she sighed deep. “Ain’t even been here an hour yet.”

“Like old times in a way.”

Rainey hummed and closed her eyes. Suddenly she felt old and tired; the product of the long trip and the news John had shared. A goddamn hit man, Rainey thought in exasperation. It made perfect sense, but it wasn’t any easier to swallow. Charles offered her a cigarette and light. It was a habit she had given up long ago, but the first draw helped to settle her nerves.

“Sorry ‘bout Abigail,” John said, coming back into the room. The skin around his eyes was drawn tight. “She’ll come around.”

“You don’t have to go,” Rainey said. “I didn’t come here to stir trouble between you two.”

John waved a hand through the air. “‘Course I do. Arthur was as good as my brother, and that’d about make you my niece. Family looks out for one another.”

“Family,” Rainey echoed. A kinship she had never felt with John before warmed her unexpectedly. Flashes of a life like John’s lit her mind’s eye. Of Julian’s laughter, of a father teaching his son to survive,  of Spanish whispered in the dead of night, of Javier’s warm embrace as he held her close. The longing was so acute Rainey thought it might tear her apart.

_Family_.


	4. Prologue IV

As John promised Abigail did come around, but it was only because John didn't leave her much choice. After all the excitement of the years as an outlaw and the aftermath that followed the last thing Abigail wanted was for her husband to go trekking off after a hit man. Rainey couldn't really fault her for that.

When John pulled his pistols from underneath their bed Abigail became waspish and withdrawn. Most times she secluded herself away under the pretense of chores with a tightly drawn expression lined with a familiar worry she had probably thought long abandoned. Guilt gnawed at Rainey every time Abigail was short with John, which seemed to be every time they spoke. John waved away Rainey’s subsequent apologies, and after a couple days she quit making them.

It was on the third day Rainey was outside, elbow deep in a wooden tub of wash water with a washboard that Abigail left her self-imposed seclusion. A basket of dirty laundry was tucked under her arm, and though she hesitated as she stepped off the porch Abigail kept her chin up and joined Rainey. Whereas Abigail had been short with John to Rainey she hadn't spoken at all since that first day, and by the resolute set of her jaw she didn't look inclined to now as she dunked a soiled denim shirt into the murky water.

Rainey offered Abigail the washboard while she wrung out the shirts she had finished. “I aimed to do this on my own,” Rainey ventured to say while she watched Abigail scrub forcefully at the material. Abigail barely glanced up, but Rainey knew Abigail could tell she wasn't talking about laundry. “I never wanted to cause you trouble.”

“It ain't you,” Abigail replied stiffly. After another few seconds of vigorous scrubbing her shoulders slumped as a sigh whispered her agitation through her nose. “This ain't the first time John has volunteered to run off after trouble since the gang fell apart. It's like he can't let that life alone, even after everything we been through.”

“It’s the only life he's known.” Abigail resumed her scrubbing with a scowl, cheeks gaining color beneath the high sun. “I imagine it's a part of him by now. Running after trouble, heh. Maybe we are family after all.”

“Can I ask you somethin’?”

The abrupt query startled Rainey, but she dipped her head and draped a wrung-out shirt over the edge of the tub. “Sure.”

“Why now? After all this time? You said Javier don't even know about Julian.”

Rainey’s lips parted to answer, but nothing came out. Agony bobbed in her throat, leaving behind that itchy suffocating feeling as she tried to swallow away the pent up emotions expanding to the surface. Abigail watched Rainey flounder and cast her gaze to where Jack had volunteered to give Julian his lessons for the day shaded beneath a tree to the side of the house. The boys had become fast friends, and it reassured Rainey to know he would be happy while she was away.

Rainey felt exposed, because surely Abigail of all people would recognize this flavor of pain twisting her all up inside. There was no point denying it, and Rainey didn’t bother to hide the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. “If I’m honest, Abigail, I’m doing it just as much for myself.”

“Oh Rainey, you still love him.” It was a statement, not cloaked in pity like Rainey would have assumed, but pure empathy. Abigail dropped the shirt she had been working on to take Rainey’s pruny red hands in her own. The gesture shocked Rainey so thoroughly the tears in her eyes spilled over onto her sunburned cheeks and all she could do was grip Abigail’s slender fingers. “It’s just been so long, and I thought maybe you and Charles－”

Rainey sniffed and bit her lips together. Abigail gasped at the scarlet flood of Rainey’s face. “You _did._ ”

“It was a one-time thing,” Rainey admitted, wiping her tears away on her sleeve. In an attempt to lighten the mood Rainey gave Abigail a half-cocked little grin. “Well, two and a half, but it was only the one night.”

Abigail snorted and splashed Rainey with the laundry water. “And _a half_?”

Rainey leaned over the tub and made sure no one was within earshot. The last thing Rainey wanted was for anyone to walk up on this conversation. “Charles is a _very_ giving lover.” The two women shared a quiet laugh, effectively evaporating years’ worth of tension between them. Once their giggles subsided Rainey sighed and sat back to ruminate. “I only wish I could convince my heart to love Charles like that. Julian adores him, and he’s probably the best person I know. But…”

Rainey huffed. “It’s always been Javier. It’ll always be Javier.” Rainey gave a weak smile, leaving behind the traces of a ruefulness. “He used to say to me ‘ _Desde ese primer momento_.’ From that first moment. How very true. Sad, ain’t it? It’s been eight, almost nine years.”

“It’s not sad － at least, feeling that way ain’t. Me and John had our ups and downs, but I always loved him, despite knowin’ he weren’t always the best thing for me or Jack. What’s sad is how long you’ve suffered feelin’ this way. I remember when John disappeared the year after Jack was born and how much it tore me apart.”

Abigail trailed off, sighed and cleared her throat as she wiped her hands on the skirts of her dress. “Promise me you'll look out for him? He finally started bein’ a real father to Jack these past years and the man I always knew he was. I can't lose him now.”

“‘Course,” Rainey agreed, grabbing the washboard to scrub away some of her own melancholy. “I can do you one better; I won't even let him go with me into Mexico.”

“It really ain’t smart to go by yourself,” Abigail admitted. “John ain’t gonna like the idea. And he was close with Javier once.”

“I’ll deal with John, don’t you worry,” Rainey assured her. She grabbed her basket of washed clothes and toted it to the drooping, graying while line that swayed in the breeze between two posts. The open air here invigorated her, so much more than the biting frost of Ambarino. Resolution filled her with each passing second, pushing aside the sadness in favor of a lust for action. “Just like John said, family looks out for one another. You take care of my boy, and I’ll watch out for your man.”

After Rainey’s heart to heart with Abigail the atmosphere at the Marston Ranch relaxed as Abigail came to terms with John’s decision. Rainey was glad to clear the air, but she was beginning to become restless. The longer she lingered the more time it gave her to think and replay every doubt she had in her mind. So many years, so much time lost. Rainey’s feelings never waned, but she couldn’t help but wonder if her presence would mean anything at all.

If Javier would hate her, or feel nothing.

If he had moved on.

Each thought was more painful than the last, until she was begging a cigarette from Charles one night to try and sear away the distress. Charles took in the lines creasing Rainey’s forehead and the tight little cracks that strained around her eyes and gestured outside to the porch. Since coming to Beecher’s Hope they had spent little time together, and Rainey wondered if not for the first time if it was because of her.

Charles rolled her a fresh cigarette from a leather pouch he kept at his belt and passed it over along with a book of matches. As he began to roll a second Rainey took the time to study him in the moonlight, wondering if she could read a single thought from his impassive features. They were stern and contemplative as always, giving nothing away of the man protected behind those impenetrable walls.

Rainey dropped her gaze to where she gripped the wooden railing and squeezed until splinters dug into her palms. Of course Charles would have nothing to say. Essentially Rainey had used him, and the realization made her stomach burn with shame. It had never been her intention, but Rainey couldn’t help but wonder if Charles resented her. Now that the time for her chase after Javier was nigh it would make sense for Charles to feel discarded. Cast aside.

“I can hear you thinking.” Charles lit his cigarette and stared out at the deep azure stretch of the studded night sky. The way it lorded above, untouchable and endless, made Rainey feel so small in comparison. Inconsequential.

Rainey swallowed against her nausea and took a hit of her cigarette to quell her nerves. “Just thinking about what a poor friend I am, among other things.” Rainey kept her eyes fixed on the stars, though she could sense Charles turning his attention toward her. She couldn’t bear to look at him, didn’t deserve to. “I’m sorry.”

Somehow Charles was able to catch on to her train of thought. “Sorry it happened.” The statement was flat, carefully devoid of any telling emotion. Rainey looked at him then, studied his carefully arranged features, the set quality to his strong jaw.

“That’s the thing,” Rainey said, exhaling shakily. Her eyes began to blur, and only pure anger at herself for losing her composure once more stayed her tears. She was determined not to cry again that day. “I’m not. I hate myself because I was so selfish, because I used you. But I could never bring myself to regret spending the night with such an incredible man.”

“Rainey...” Charles moved over to put an arm around her, surrounding her in the sweet scent of his tobacco and the comforting warm musk of his sweat. Instead of invoking desire Rainey only felt a little more grounded, leaning into his embrace and squeezing her eyes tight against that insistent flood behind her lids. “You didn’t use me. I knew what it was. You were hurting for so long, and I wanted to help ease your pain.”

Rainey flicked her cigarette into the yard, wrapped her arms around him and sniffed into the soft fabric of his blue pinstriped button-up. Charles rested his chin on top of her head and rubbed her back. “I might have hoped for more once,” Charles admitted, stilling the soothing motions of his hand. “But that was a long time ago.”

Fondness stirred in Rainey’s heart, but nothing more. Clearing the air with Charles had given her a little more breathing room, made her worries a little less crowded. Standing there in his arms felt congenial rather than seductive. Like a safe haven away from the troubled cacophony of her mind.

“You still deserve better,” Rainey mumbled into his chest. “I always said you were a fine man, Charles. Inside and out.” She pulled back to make eye contact, squeezing his bicep to drive her point home. “I still mean it.”

Abigail appeared in the doorway like an apparition, brown plaid dress still covered in a food-soiled apron, her voice giving Rainey a start. “Dinner’s － ” A small pause gapped her announcement as she assessed just what she might have stumbled out on. “－ ready.” Rainey could almost hear the other woman’s thoughts as she disappeared quick as she came, no doubt recounting the details of their last conversation.

Charles offered a final squeeze before letting his arms fall away, giving her space but tucking her hair back behind her ear and out of her face. The gesture felt less romantic than encouraging when he nudged her chin up. “Don’t get so lost in your own head. Sometimes you just have to let the world _be_ and take it as it comes.” Charles puffed a quiet laugh and gestured for Rainey to enter the house first. “You’re as bad as Arthur ever was.”

After finishing dinner everyone sat in a sated stupor around the dining table. In a moment of quiet Rainey looked down at Julian, who sat beside her in a rare display of affection since their stay. He and Jack had been glued at the hip, Julian following the older boy around like a shadow. Jack never seemed to mind, however, and often entertained Julian with tales from one of the many books he was known to read.

“ _Mijo_ , how do you like it here?” Rainey asked, running a hand through his hair. Julian ducked away from the touch, though the corner of his mouth lifted and dimpled in his cheek. Rainey had forgotten that it wasn’t _grown up_ to accept such public affection from one’s mother.

“ _Mucho, Mamá_ ,” Julian answered. Rainey glanced up at Charles and the Marstons and then back to her son. Julian, perceptive child he was, tilted his head and looked as if he missed something. “ _Por qué_?”

“Remember I told you I had a surprise for when we arrived?” Julian nodded. “Julian, I’m going to go find your father.” Rainey scooped up his small hands in her own as she made her vow. “I’m going to do my best to bring him back, but you’re staying with Charles while I’m gone.”

“I’m not going with you?” Hurt at the realization colored the edges of Julian’s high-pitched tone, making him sound every bit the fragile boy he still was. Julian started to lodge a rapid protest, probably in his preferred Spanish, but Rainey cut him off before he could begin.

“No, it’s too dangerous.” Rainey grasped for the words to explain. “Your father… he might not be the man I knew before. It’s better for you here.”

“You’re welcome as long as you like,” Abigail added to Julian, smiling at Jack who had visibly perked up at the news. John looked askance at his wife’s words, taking her hand atop the table when she sent a timid smile his way.

Julian only frowned deeper. “But who will protect you if Mr. Charles is with me?”

“I’ll look out for her, kid,” John assured him. “But your momma don’t need too much protectin’ so I wouldn’t worry too much. She can handle herself.”

“When are you leaving?” Julian relented after a few seconds of mulling over John’s assurances. Skepticism was writ in the displeased pout of his lips.

Rainey locked eyes with John, conveying with one look her desperate need to make this leap before the fear consumed her. “Soon.”

 

✭✭✭

 

Rainey checked Scorpio a third time to ensure she had everything she needed. Julian hovered at her elbow and said nothing, his face set in a stubborn scowl as he petted the horse on his flank. He was not a fan of the idea of staying behind, and if it weren’t for the possibility of meeting his papá Rainey was certain he would be lodging a protest. It almost made Rainey smile to see how spirited he was if it weren't breaking her heart to have to say goodbye.

John hovered with his own family on the front porch below the vaulted overhang, and Charles leaned against the railing of the steps with a cigarette burning between his fingers. Rainey let her fingers fall away from the straps of her saddlebags and swallowed past the catch in her throat. John was waiting on her to give the word; Rainey could sense it in the furtive glances he shot her way as she drug her feet to eke out a few more precious moments with Julian. Ironic, she thought, considering how restless she felt only a couple days earlier.

“Julian, it’s time _Mijo_ ,” Rainey said finally, kneeling in front of her boy with tears already threatening to spring to her eyes. Julian screwed his face up tighter, caught up in an invisible struggle with his own emotions. Rainey urged him closer with hands cupped around his arms. The boy resisted at first, clinging to his temper with tenacious desperation until he caved and threw himself into her embrace.

“ _No me abandones, Mamá_ ,” Julian pleaded through a watery voice. Rainey clutched him harder and buried her nose in his hair, breathing deep and letting her own tears stream down her face.

“No, no, _Mijo_ ,” Rainey soothed, pulling him back so she could look at him. “Never.” She brushed the tears from his blotchy red face and traced the scar that sliced down his cheek. “Be a good boy and mind Charles and Abigail, okay Julian? I’ll be back before you know it.” Rainey pressed her forehead to his and hugged him one last time. “ _Te amo_ , _mi príncipe._ I just need to know that you are safe.”

“ _Te amo_ , _Mamá_.”

Charles flicked away his cigarette and stepped forward to set a hand on Julian’s shoulder. Rainey shot him a thankful look and stood, giving John a short nod. She turned back to Charles and started to speak, but Charles seemed to read her mind. “I’ll keep him safe.” Rainey shut her mouth and smiled sheepishly, but she leaned up to press a light kiss into his scratchy cheek.

“Ready to ride?” John asked from beneath the shade of Arthur’s beat up old hat as he approached. Rainey took in a deep breath and mounted Scorpio, her fingers gripping the pommel until her knuckles turned white.

“As I’ll ever be.”

John mounted his own horse and looked to his family one last time and gave a nod. Rainey nodded as well, her vision becoming a blur of bright sun-bleached earth and dark shapes as they spurred their mounts down the path. A shout behind her made Rainey look over her shoulder to see Julian running after them, though his short legs had no hope of matching their gallop.

It almost made Rainey sick with sorrow to have to turn away and ride on. As much as the hurt permeated every pore it was a temporary thing. With Abigail and Charles to look out for him and Jack to keep him distracted Julian would be fine. Julian would be safe.

As Rainey’s mind wandered to Javier she only hoped she could say the same for herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A four part prologue!? I know, guys, I know. It just happened that way, haha.   
> Also, I am starting to slow down a bit on the writing, hence the gap between updates. I'm still working on both stories though, just at a slower rate than before. The more emotional the story becomes the longer it takes me to write it.


	5. Rainey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrestled with posting a shorter chapter or taking another million years to update and decided to go ahead and post. It just seemed like a natural stopping point. I was aiming to get Javier in this chapter, but it didn't work out that way so I apologize. 
> 
> Also, since there would be a lot of Spanish spoken in this story and Rainey is now fluent I opted to go for the italics rather than translating.

A small fire popped between Rainey and John.

John waited for Rainey to say something, levelling her with frank scrutiny. For her part Rainey compartmentalized John’s reveal of their destination and remained impassive. In her hands was a slim well-loved knife engraved with filigree and roses that she danced idly between her fingers. The silver glinted, and Rainey was hypnotised by the knife dance in that detached way that came as natural as breathing.

Thieves’ Landing. Of course.

Javier must have fallen a long way indeed, Rainey thought. Still it did not surprise her. Abstract pictures of Javier morphing into the very thing he used to hate floated around in her mind. When they were together Javier was so full of passion, full of loyalty, of dreams… He was a fire that always burned, whether it be an inferno or a bed of smoldering coals. What Javier was now sounded so callous and cold, like the all the heat had been snuffed out.

John cleared his throat. Rainey flipped the hilt down into her palm and stopped the movements of her knife. Several small cuts stung between her digits, barely scratches, but it was enough to make Rainey frown. Sloppy, she thought.

Rainey rolled her shoulders to ease the tension in her back from the day's long ride. Absorbing the shock from riding was becoming harder as the years went by, but the physical aches gave Rainey a sense of satisfaction. It was progress on this fool's journey, however unsavory heading into a settlement of outlaws, criminals and low-lifes may be. Danger was certainly imminent for an outsider daring to stroll into Thieves’ Landing.

For a woman it was downright stupidity.

“Won't be hard to pose as a boy,” was all Rainey said absently once she pulled herself from her head.

“Still ain't very safe.” John chewed on a strip of dried beef. “Ain't no place for a woman, even in disguise. Last time I was there I saw a man gutted in a bar so bad he died with his innards piled in his arms. No one so much as blinked.”

“Good thing I’m handy with a knife.” Defensiveness started to harden her posture, and she shot a sharp dagger of a look at John. Rainey flipped the knife up in her hand at the ready as if daring him to suggest he handle this on his own.

Sensing his imminent defeat John held up a hand. “I ain't never said you can't handle yourself. Just the opposite.” John produced a cigarette and leaned back against a smooth rock face that loomed over them. “You're tough as nails, I'll admit it, but I don't wanna see nothin’ bad happen to you. You got your boy to think about.”

“Don’t need any sparin’, John. I know the risks. Known ‘em a long time.” Rainey slid the knife into its sheath inside her jacket.

Rainey forced herself to relax again and leaned back on her hands. John had offered to put them up for the night in a hotel in town, but Rainey had brushed the idea off as excessive. Staying out in the wild had its own merits; a peaceful alternative to the stinking pit of humanity that festered in the city. Even John seemed relieved when Rainey opted to for roughing it.

“ _Además, no hablas español,_   _amigo._  Lots of Del Lobos out that way, yeah?” Rainey smirked as John’s brows creased his forehead. He blew smoke from his nose in a quick burst and chuckled hoarse in his throat.

“Yeah, that’s right.”  

“Maybe I can listen in on their conversations if we get near enough to some of ‘em. What do you think?”

John shrugged. “I was just gonna shake down information the old fashioned way.”

Rainey snorted and pulled a dinged silver flask of tequila from her satchel. “The Arthur Morgan way. None of you boys have any appreciation for subtlety. Excepting maybe Charles.” After taking a pull she capped it and tossed it to John, who caught it with mild interest.

“Javier teach you Spanish?” John asked, downing a swallow from the flask and grimacing at the taste. “Taught you how to drink that’s for damn sure.”

“Some,” Rainey responded. “I couldn’t speak it proper until I met this old woman from Escalera ‘bout a month after I left Beaver Hollow. She had been beaten and left to die on the side of the road. I treated her wounds, and we decided to travel together until we got to Valentine. Found out I was with child on the way. Gloria refused to leave me after that. Stayed with us ‘til the day she died.”

Rainey had not thought about Gloria for a long time. Looking back she likely would not have made it this far without the wisdom and capability of the weathered woman. Childbirth had not been easy for Rainey’s slight build. Weeks after she had still been too weak to do much but feed Julian and sleep. Gloria had been a godsend, taking care of everything until Rainey was able to recover.

Sometimes Rainey remembered waking to soft Spanish prayers and the motherly touch of a cool hand to her forehead or stroking her hair.

“Sorry,” John muttered. “Sounds like she meant a lot to ya.”

Rainey gave a sad smile. “She was a very special lady,” Rainey agreed. “She’s why Julian speaks such good Spanish. I wanted him to have that part of his heritage if I couldn’t give him nothin’ else.”

A natural lull enveloped them, quiet and peaceful.

“Javier always wanted to be a daddy.” John’s reminiscing words startled Rainey. It was something she and Javier never talked about, not really. They were always too caught in the moment to discuss the future or too embroiled in the mounting pile of shit Dutch had drug them all through. “Made sure he reminded me what a bad father I was ‘bout as much as Arthur. He would always say, ‘Children are a gift, _cabrón_. Family is the most important thing.’”

Rainey was speechless, but John didn’t seem to notice. He spat into the fire, making it hiss, his lank hair shrouding his glowering face. “So much for family.”

The bitterness in John’s words had heat creeping up the back of Rainey’s neck. Rainey realized she should be agreeing with John’s sentiment. Instead she felt an overwhelming need to defend Javier, to make John see he would have never intentionally left John behind had he known John was alive. Javier had only taken Dutch on his word.

Rainey settled on ending the conversation before she took some of her backwards emotions out on John. The man had a right to his bitterness after all. “I’m gonna get some sleep.”

 

  
✮✮✮

 

“Well?”

John eyed Rainey’s outfit. Work pants were secured by a fraying pair of suspenders over a discolored white union shirt. Her dark hair was tucked beneath her hat, which she had pulled low to cast a shadow over her dirt-smudged face. “Good enough I reckon.”

There was no masking the open skepticism, John’s normal grimace pulling to the side as if it could hide his doubts. Rainey rolled her eyes and checked the chamber on her pistol. “You do the talkin’. I’ll shadow you and listen.” As Rainey clicked the cylinder shut she huffed at the hilarity of asking Marston for some tact. “And for Christ’s sake don’t piss off the whole place if you can help it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Rainey mounted Scorpio and tried not to laugh at the defensive grate to his tone. “Just don’t wanna stir trouble unless we have to.” John scowled and mounted his mare. Surly and brooding － classic John. The moment felt nostalgic, almost light-hearted, and Rainey couldn’t help but feed it with more banter. “Guess it’s a good thing I’m a much better shot now,” she added with a sarcastic sigh.

“You couldn't hit the barn side of a broad,” John taunted back, coaxing a smile from Rainey.

“Let's hope that's not true for both our sakes then.”

The ride to Thieves’ Landing could easily have been made in a day. The only reason they decided to camp was so they weren't walking in at night. It was only a short ride from where they had been settled, and Rainey felt doused by wariness the moment they entered the settlement. She kept one hand down by her hip near her pistol as she rode.

As they trotted through the haphazard shanty houses leading to the sprawl of uneven docks Rainey could feel the stares burning from gaunt guarded faces. A rake thin woman in a tattered shift watched them with desperation from a glassless window, her fingers biting into the rotting sill. Bruises painted her arms and throat in a mottled conglomeration of browns, yellows and purples. Rainey wondered how many other dubious strangers this woman had begged with her eyes for some kind of salvation.

A shiver ran up Rainey’s spine to imagine what kind of life she lived here.

“Hitch here,” John rasped.

They stopped in front of a two-story saloon that buzzed with raucous chatter. By the number of voices Rainey assumed it must have been payday (whether legit or otherwise). The thought of a full house unnerved her, but the more patrons there were the easier it would be to blend in.

Rainey dismounted from Scorpio, her boots squishing in the mud. On the porch of the saloon two scarred swarthy men leaned against the wall, speaking low in Spanish and passing a cigarette between them. As she and John mounted the steps that achingly familiar intoxicating herbal scent mixed with tobacco shrouded them. Rainey’s mouth watered even as the nearest man sneered at them as they passed.

“ _What the fuck you looking at?_ ”

John hardly glanced sideways at the man as he pushed forward into the saloon. Rainey followed his lead with her head down, pretending not to understand the Spanish taunts at their back.

Inside the saloon was crowded and smelled of the rank scent of body odor, stale sweat and cheap alcohol. Smoke hovered in the air in a low-hanging cloud that sat heavy in Rainey’s lungs. It must have been payday at the shipping yard for all the bodies crowded in the saloon － most roughened men in sweat-stained clothes with the hard muscled bodies of manual labor. Some working girls moved about to ply their charms and coax customers upstairs.

One enthusiastic customer in the corner didn’t even bother with a room and fucked one of the girls on his lap in plain sight. Rainey rose her eyebrows at that but was otherwise disappointed by how generic the supposedly seedy saloon appeared. The mood was jovial rather than sinister, even amongst men who looked the part of hardened outlaws strapped to the gills with guns and ammunition.

Though there was a mixture of ethnicities about the place there was a lack of possible Del Lobos other than the two men they passed on the way in. Rainey subtly glanced around to double check, nudging John and nodding toward an empty table. John nodded back and diverted to the bar while Rainey claimed the empty seats for theirs. Rainey crossed her arms and frowned deeply as she slouched in the hard chair.

Plastered on the wall to her left was a barrage of wanted posters. Rainey got the feeling that here it was more of a badge of honor than a warning － a sort of decorative homage. After a quick scan of the names and faces Rainey found Javier’s tucked away in the middle. _Vivo o Muerto_. The rendering of his face was old even by Rainey’s outdated standards, but she felt her fingers itch to trace the lines as images of him flashed through her mind.

“Well ain't you just a cutie.” One of the working girls, a pale slip of a thing with limp blond tresses, had paused with a hip resting on the table. A slender hand with bitten down nails trailed coquettishly up Rainey’s arm. “You in need of a little company, cowboy?”

Rainey almost turned her down until her gaze fell on the wanted posters. Inspiration struck. Reaching into a small pouch at her hip Rainey produced at couple coins and slid them across the table. “Not exactly,” Rainey replied, trying to make her voice huskier without sounding too exaggerated. “But maybe you can answer a question for me?”

To Rainey’s dismay the girl made herself comfortable on her lap, wiggling in a way Rainey was sure was meant to be enticing. John walked up just as Rainey awkwardly put an arm around the girl to keep up the charade. “Depends on the question.”

John sat and placed a shot of whiskey in front of Rainey. Rainey nodded her thanks to him and turned her attention back to the girl, gesturing at the posters. “How many of these guys come through here?”

The girl giggled and toyed with the fine hairs at the nape of Rainey’s neck. It took all her willpower not to flinch from the unwanted touch. Rainey only hoped she didn’t accidentally pull her hair loose from her hat. “Plenty. Most hang their own posters.”

Rainey shifted and produced a couple more coins. “What about him?” She gestured to Javier’s poster. “He come through here anytime recent?”

The blond tensed in Rainey’s lap. She dropped her fawning demeanor and gave Rainey a frown. Beneath the smudged makeup and feigned interest was a shrewd business woman. “You a bounty hunter or somethin’? I ain’t tryin’ to rat no one out － ‘specially not someone as vicious as him.”

“No,” Rainey said. “Nothing like that.”

The girl stuck her chin in the air and crossed her arms. Rainey glanced at John, who was smirking around the cigarette dangling from his lips. She hoped he was getting a good laugh at her discomfort and complete lack of finesse. John took pity on Rainey and added a few more coins to the pile. John winked at the girl and earned a saucy smile.

“He… stops by sometimes.” The girl swiped the money from the table and pocketed it. “Ain’t been here in a few months. Last I heard he was headed west.”

“Not to Mexico?”

The whore shrugged. “That’s all I know.” She stood and smoothed her chemise. Turning to John she pushed up her wares to give him a peek. “How ‘bout you, sweetheart? You lookin’ for a good time?”

“Not today,” John dismissed. When the girl wandered off Rainey quaffed her shot to quell the nervy shake to her fingers. John rubbed at the scruff on his face, but the mischief crinkling at the corners of his eyes couldn't hide his amusement. “Didn't peg you for a ladies man.”

“Fuck you Marston,” Rainey retorted. “You heard what she said. Looks like I'm headed west, not south.”

“ _We’ll_ head west then.” John leaned forward on his elbows and fixed her with a willful glare. “I sure hope you ain't thinkin’ I'm gonna let you run off alone.”

Rainey gritted her teeth. “I don't need an escort. You did what you said you'd do.”

“You think you're the only one that wants answers?” A harsh edge crept over his normal rasp － the same strain of unresolved tension that pulled in Rainey's own chest. John had known Javier longer, had cared for him like a brother. Had felt that same sense of betrayal. “I got my own questions. Not only that, but he might not be all that stable anymore. Dutch sure as hell wasn’t.”

Biting the inside of her cheek Rainey found she had no grounds for argument. Rainey had no idea who Javier was anymore. It was only a lofty hope for any vestiges of the man she knew to still exist. Comparing Javier to Dutch only made the truth of it chafe more.

“Fine,” Rainey growled. “Let’s get on with it then.”


End file.
